Funerals are something we will all face at some point…
Let’s be honest, Funerals are not something any of us really wish to have to deal with, but there comes a point in all of our lives where we may need to arrange one or think about our own…
Where do you start?
Appoint a Funeral Director
First things first, you will need to appoint a Funeral Director to help organise and book the funeral. Most people go with who they are aware of in the area, but you can choose whichever company you prefer.
You do need to take into consideration cost. These will vary across Funeral Directors and did your loved one have a pre-paid Funeral Plan?
What if I can’t afford to pay for a Funeral?
If you can’t afford to pay for a funeral, your local authority/council will step in to arrange the funeral, however this is considered a last resort and funds from the deceased’s estate can be released to cover the costs.
Your Funeral Director will be able to advise you on this, dependant on your situation.
Prepare to make decisions
You are going to be asked A LOT of questions and decisions will need to be made.
Here is just an idea of some of the questions:
Burial, Cremation or other? (If a Cremation, will you need a double slot?)
Church, Civil or Non Religious service?
Celebrant or Minister?
Location of service?
Coffin style?
Flowers?
Order of Service?
Wake?
Donations to Charity?
Cars for family/friends to the service?
What is allowed?
Again, I can only answer for a Celebrant led service as Ministers and Churches will have their own limitations.
It is often thought that funerals have to be carried out in a certain way, but actually, there is no right or wrong way, what a Celebrant will aim to achieve is a service that is fitting to the deceased.
That means you can have any type of music that the person loved, be that a theme tune to their favourite programme, comedic songs, instrumental, musical or even a live musician!
You can have a flash mob dance in the middle, whatever you and the family want is fine.
It can be quick and simple or long and loud - for most it’s about what’s affordable and appropriate for the deceased and the mourners.
What the Celebrant will ask…
I can only share what I ask my families, Ministers may have different questions.
But here is a list of details that a Celebrant will ask:
Order of Service? (this is the paper booklet, often with the deceased image on the front and contains the structure of the service, including music/hymns, poems/prayers inside.
Music? (Usually three pieces, an entrance, reflection and exit piece.)
Poems/Prayers/Readings? (A Celebrant will be able to guide you on these.)
Tribute/Eulogy (This is often written by the Celebrant or a family member and contains details about your loved ones life - where they were born, parents, siblings, schooling, marriage, children, grandchildren, work history, holidays, hobbies/interests and their character.)
Curtains to remain Open or to be Closed? (If closed it can happen either during the Committal but most commonly during the last piece of music.)
Will there be any family/friends who wish to carry the coffin into the chapel? - Known as ‘Pallbearers’.
Do the family wish to exit the chapel first or last?
Will there be a Wake? (Do you want mourners to be invited?)
Will there be donations to a charity and a donation box available at the Chapel?
Is there a Dress Code? (No black or a certain favourite colour of the deceased?)
Would you like a photo tribute during the reflection piece of music?
As you can see there’s a lot to think about, not forgetting the option of ‘Living Funerals’ (this is where you attend your own funeral whilst you are still alive!)
Or Woodland Services - a funeral doesn’t have to be held at a Crematorium.
The best advice is to chat with your Funeral Director, be honest with them about what you would like.
Also, planning for your own funeral is definitely advisable, be that a Funeral Payment plan, which lot’s of Funeral Directors will offer, but also having details written down about your life, what do you want shared at your service?
If you have ageing loved ones, ask them questions about their life and write it down, dementia and old age can make us forget things and these life stories can be lost. You are never too young or too old to start planning, find out now whilst your loved one is with you - ask them, what would they like to be remembered for?
If you have any more questions or would like to chat with me about Funerals, please do get in touch, I’m always happy to help where I can.
Are you struggling with grief?
Anna has a private women only community membership, where she has created a safe and private on-line space for women to be free to express how they are really feeling about their grief.
The Women’s Grief Support Circle membership includes access to a private Facebook group, guest speakers, tools and tips to help with your grief and regular discussion themes, designed to help and support you with your bereavement.
Membership is £15 a month, click on the button to find out more.
Specialist Help…
There are many charities who offer support and help with bereavement, I have listed some below.
However, if you need that extra help, I highly recommend Sharon Rowan. She is a specialist trained counsellor and psychotherapist.
I know her personally and she is exceptionally good, kind and compassionate.
Her details:
hello@sharonrowancounselling.co.uk
07584 212537
Places of Support
-
Sue Ryder Charity
Sue Ryder’s Online Bereavement Support makes it easy to connect with the right support for you. The services are free and easy to access on your computer, smartphone or tablet.
-
Age UK
Coping with death of a loved one can be extremely hard. You may be dealing with lots of emotions, finding it hard to process them and having difficulties moving on.
-
Mind
Losing someone important to us can be emotionally devastating. It is natural to go through a range of physical and emotional processes as we gradually come to terms with the loss.
-
Widowed and Young
Unfortunately there’s no guidebook for grief, there’s no set pattern to the grieving process, especially when you’ve been widowed at a young age.
-
Winston's Wish
Supporting grieving children and young people after the death of someone important.
-
Cruse Bereavement Support
Grief can be overwhelming, you don’t have to deal with it alone.